So I finally have all the documents I need to get my contract! I spent the last week in Leics, home of my friends and boyfriend, and literally the day after I left for a week, my criminal record check arrived. Typically, this news was the cause of much anguish, gnashing of teeth and indecision before I decided to ask my ever accomodating parents to post it on to me so I could take it and my notarised documents to the FCO in Milton Keynes to be apostilled. Which is a disgustingly expensive process, by the way, altogether it cost like £140+. Vom. Utter vom.

However, we’re in the middle of the first recorded snowfall in Nov since the ’60s, so obviously the whole country is flipping out and I am no exception. Not my proudest moment, but upon realising that due to power cuts I was going to miss my train and potential arrive only an hour and a half before the office closed, I cried. I honestly stood on the platform and cried while frantically texting people to share my distress as my fellow commuters stared dead-eyed, Pumpkin cafe coffees in hand at the track willing the train to arrive. Once on the train though, I did what I always do in these situations.

1. Think of inspirational person; eg Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill or Tyra Banks.
2. Consider their struggles; eg, having recurring dreams about race relations, being in charge of sorting out Germany, being the second black supermodel in the world and getting bullied by Naomi Campbell.
3. Consider how these were overcome; eg, something something politics, World War 2, being fine, fresh, fierce and having it on lock.
4. Apply to own situation and remember am a strong African woman out in the world feeling own power and designing a TV show around demoralising and berating young girls who want to be models. Or maybe that’s the Banks. Sometimes I get us confused. It’s definitely one of us.*

Anyway, the point is, I pulled myself together in time to get to the Milton Keynes station and discover that instead of my current cash card, I had hilariously brought the one that expired in October. Hahahahahahahohnooooooo!abloobloobloo 😥

But I got it sorted in the end and, having written this terrible ordeal out, it sort of seems only mildly irritating. I guess you had to be there and overly dramatic. Just trust me, it was totally un-fun. You weren’t even allowed phones OR iPods in the FCO! Can you imagine? Luckily I filled the 40 minute wait with judging my fellow waiting people because I’m a mean person, but honestly, it was tough to be left entirely to my own devices and not having any shiny things that make noises or lights or otherwise distract me from the crushing reality of my own company.

So I’ll be sending everything off to my recruiters on Monday and hopefully that’ll be in time to get a decent placement, hooray! If not, I’ll probably cry again because that seems to be like my new thing. Maybe it’ll be a trend, like the way I popularised the use of the word “fierce” as an adjective applicable to attractive, sassy young women and gay men. Or maybe that was Tyra again.

*This also works with Britney, except you consider how she moved on after Justin Timberlake’s horrible betrayal and public breakdowns to release Blackout (which is massively underrated) and the still somewhat popular Circus AND find love once again with her manager. Truly inspirational.